July 28, 2005

Plane Talk

What do you all think about talking to the stranger next to you on an airplane ride? Four hours is a long time to pretend the person next to you doesn't exist, so I would like to know if it's OK to talk to them. I'm especially concerned about women. I'm sure they'll just think I'm some sort of player. Maybe I should just ask them, "I'm really bored, do you mind if I talk to you? Don't worry, I'm not a player; I won't care about you at all once we land."
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Posted by Brian at 08:51 PM | Comments (6)

July 27, 2005

Really?

Did you know that Steven Spielberg played the role of the tax assessor in Blues Brothers?

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Posted by Brian at 03:31 PM | Comments (0)

July 26, 2005

Just Say It Over And Over

Sasquatch is a funny word.
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Posted by Brian at 01:06 PM | Comments (0)

July 21, 2005

Cleanliness Is Godliness

My landlord thinks my apartment is so tidy that he's waiving the end-of-lease inspection. Go obsessive compulsive disorder!
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Posted by Brian at 09:15 PM | Comments (3)

July 15, 2005

Invite The Terrorists To A Party

Let's stop spending money on counter-terrorism and instead have a big party. We could even invite the terrorists. They might like us more for it. Hear me out on this.

The United States spends billions of dollars on counter-terrorism measures that will never be effective. No matter how much we invest, we'll never be safe. The terrorists will always find a way and there is nothing we can do about it.

Our methods are reactionary at best. After London, there's been talk about being more protective of our own mass-transit systems. They'll spend $50 billion on that, but what of the hundreds of other vulnerable targets? Terrorists are always going to be one step ahead. We are at their mercy. They are the ones in control, not us.

Yet, we go on with the confidence of safety as that of a child poised to jump from a jungle gym because he believes he can fly. We all say that the terrorists haven't won because “we're not afraid” and “they aren’t affecting our lives.” Wake up, people! They are destroying our lives. Billions of dollars are being spent on ineffective security instead of schools, parks, and roadways. Our lives are throttled by tedious compliance with freedom-restricting security measures that do little more than pay lip service to a naive public.

If they want to take us down, they will. So, let’s just step aside and let them. We can spend the money on funding for education, a national health plan, and other things that really will improve the quality of our lives. Perhaps the government can use that money to somehow salvage the good values this nation was founded upon. Dare I say that the government give some of that money to faith-based organizations? What we need is a change of heart, not a change of counter-terrorism strategy.

Don't get me wrong, I like the United Sates of America and I want nothing more for it to be a safer place. I simply believe that we've been going about this all wrong. Instead of defending our cesspool society, we should instead concern ourselves with becoming a people esteemed by all the world's citizens.

Any thoughts? I know this is heavier than what I usually write. I’ll return to being fun again soon. I promise.
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Posted by Brian at 10:34 PM | Comments (13)

July 14, 2005

I Can't Believe It. Wait, Yes I Can.

ATTENTION PEOPLE OF STUPIDLAND, IDIOTVILLE, AND MORONOPOLIS: LEAVE THE UNITED STATES AND RETURN TO YOUR HOME! BRIAN HAWKINS CAN NO LONGER TOLERATE YOUR INFESTATION OF THE MEDIA.

The following are excerpts from a news article about the cancellation of the Discovery launch.

They had come from as far away as California...spending precious vacation time and budgets for a chance to witness history. History?!?!? There's absolutely nothing historical about it. A shuttle is going into space. Nothing remarkable about that; it's been done before, a lot. I should tell these journalists that I brushed my teeth this morning. They'd probably say that's historical, too.

Pauline Trummel...heard the announcement by loudspeaker shortly after 1:30 p.m. -- nearly 10 hours after getting up with her family to stake out a good viewing spot. She held her head in her hands and cried. "I thought we were prepared for everything,"...she said later, as the family prepared to head home. She cried?!?!? She thought of everything?!?!? Well, she certainly should have thought of precedent regarding shuttle launches. Those things are often delayed. Who in their right mind would plan their vacation around something so unpredictable?
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Posted by Brian at 02:35 PM | Comments (1)

July 11, 2005

They're At It Again

While reading LCD monitor reviews I happend upon the following complaint. Stand is too high. You can't lower it more than it's lowest level. No, really?
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Posted by Brian at 10:36 PM | Comments (0)

Don't You Wanta?

Anyone want to buy me a car?
Anyone want to live with me in LA?
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Posted by Brian at 10:02 PM | Comments (2)

July 07, 2005

War of the Worlds

Ever since seeing War of the Worlds I've been haunted by the images of those tripods. Especially when I'm outside, I envision the towering robots striding into view over the tree line to hunt down their doomed human targets. Scary stuff. Quite enjoyable to think of it actually happening.

Don't get me wrong, I thought the movie was terrible. It was a perfectly horrible addition to the growing list of Spielberg’s other sci-fi disasters such as The Lost World: Jurassic Park and AI. Complete garbage, no doubt about it. However, the superb cinematography did provide some satisfyingly savorable images of terror.
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Posted by Brian at 12:51 AM | Comments (1)

July 01, 2005

Look Out! He's Thinking Again

Warning: This is a terrible post. I urge you to skip to the one before it. At least that post was humorous.

I can't remember a day where I felt I had earned my keep. Not a single evening looking back with satisfaction on the day's work. Why am I so lazy? How is it that others do so much more? What drives people to labor with such zeal? I just don't get it. Maybe I just notice the trivial underpinnings of most human pursuits and lose interest. Nah, it's probably me just being lazy. Even in the former case, what is so wrong with succumbing to the trivial? Being an idealist is good only for the pride of the idealist's mind. Aside from that, idealism never did anything.

Yep, I'm sure of it, what I just wrote was one of those things that sounds deep and intelligent but, more than likely, is just a bunch of nonsense. Seriously, even I don't fully understand it. There's no way of telling if it's intelligent or not. It can be genius to George and idiocy to Ian. Philosophy is subjective, just like art. That's why it is pointless to discuss philosophy. I really need to take the advice, "Brian, stop thinking so much!" Someone, please stop me.
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Posted by Brian at 01:27 AM | Comments (1)